As a kid,

I had this eerie feeling

that I would be snatched away

in a heartbeat

from the Scary One,

if I did “anything” wrong.

 

Maybe that is why

I just had to do “everything” wrong

perhaps as an unconscious test.

 

When I didn’t vanish,

the Scary One was no longer scary.

I finally felt safe,

even with all my wrongness.

- By, Connie Webb

What if Growing Up
She Wasn’t …

Put down and made fun of and teased?
Told “You should have been put up for adoption like my mom told me to do”?
Made to feel like she was worthless?
Left with nightly tears to cry alone?
Noticed for what she did wrong instead of what she did right?
Told she was loved, but shown otherwise?

What if Now
She …

Notices what she does right?
Speaks to herself kindly and lovingly?
Encourages herself with positive affirmations?
Treasures and values herself?
Knows she is worthy and wanted here?
Never abandons or gives up on herself?
Comforts and nurtures herself?
Shows herself love daily, even when it is difficult to do?

What if?

-By, Connie Webb

The best man at the wedding

was supposed to be her husband,

but him being “the best”

only lasted so long;

especially when things fell to pieces;

after years of them both being unloving toward each other;

where he was no longer the best man he could be,

and she was no longer the best woman she could be.

She looks back now,

viewing the whole situation;

as one where they both;

just lost their hope

that things could work out;

and they both just gave up even trying.

The day she left him,

even though it was a tough choice for her,

not only did she get her life back,

but he got his life back, too.

They now both could be their own selves,

without all that bickering, arguing and being unsatisfied

with one another.

Funny how when she looks back today,

she sees just how right it was that they broke up,

even though at the time,

it just felt like it was all so wrong and heartbreaking.

But the heartbreaking thing,

would have been

if they stayed together;

with them both being unhappy,

and both not being all they could be.

Perhaps now he can be the best man he can be,

and she can now be the best woman she can be.

So divorce isn’t always so bad,

when you look back

realistically.

– By, Connie Webb

She woke up in the morning by herself
without anyone else’s moods or thoughts.
She could be herself now and not worry about a significant other.

When she woke up, it didn’t matter if her hair was messy,
or her breath wasn’t unrealistically minty fresh –
she didn’t have to worry about that.

At night,
she got the whole room and whole bed to herself.
She could read or watch anything on TV she wanted to
before she fell asleep,
and she didn’t have to worry about disturbing anyone.

Her life finally was really all her own
to do with as she pleased.
She could come and go without conferring with anyone –
freedom at its best.

Her meals were all to “her” liking;
Not having to people please anyone but herself.

So if she ever started to think,
she needed to be in a relationship again,
she would remember she didn’t “need” to be,
Because on her own she got to hog all the blankets;
she got to watch whatever movie she wanted to at the show;
she got to wake up in peace and serenity;
she got to go for long walks alone enjoying nature;
she got to be her true self more;
Than when she was a prisoner with him.

So don’t worry about her being single.
She is okay as she is, until she finds someone who is okay allowing her to be her and

Free!

Please take me to my home,

I miss my Master so much;

I miss his smiling face,

I miss his gentle touch.

Please take me home,

Something has gone wrong;

I got away from my Master,

Now I have been gone too long.

Please take me home,

Even if you think I am sweet;

I have another best friend,

I really need to greet.

Please take me home,

I’m just a little dog that’s lost;

I need you to help me get there,

Don’t worry about the cost.

Please take me home,

A reward you will find;

When my Master jumps with glee,

From you being so kind.

Please take me home,

Even if you really love me;

But I have to get to him,

To end his and my misery.

You see we love each other so,

We are the best friends ever;

He was so good to me,

And would never hurt me never.

He just wants me home with him,

To enjoy our daily walks;

To enjoy our TV times,

To enjoy our daily talks.

You see he is now 77 years old,

Not sure how long he has left to live;

And I am just a young dog,

I have so much love to give.

I want to be with him,

Through many more happy days;

So please take me home,

We will thank you in many ways.

The first way will be when you see our faces,

Light up when we are reunited;

The second way is when you see our love,

Equally undivided.

Yes, there will be a reward for you,

But it won’t compare to the reward for us;

To be again together,

An old man and his little doggie, Gus.

- By, Connie Webb

Like she was a nothing.
Like she was ugly.
Like she was worthless.
Like she was not worth rescuing.
Like God hated her.
Like she would rather have died.
Like she wanted to disappear.
Like she wished she was stronger.
Like she wished she could have escaped.
Like she deserved it.
Like she asked for it.
Like she was stupid.
Like no one will believe her.
Like she was at fault.
Like she was the one who made it happen.
Like others will think she liked it and wanted it.

The Truth:
He was a nothing.
He was ugly.
He was worthless.
He was not worth being on the planet.
Even God hated him.
He deserved to not live.
He ought to disappear from earth never to be seen again.
He really was a weakling to harm an innocent woman.
Only a horrible devil-like person would trap someone and degrade them like that and it wasn’t her fault.
He deserved severe punishment for what he did.
Her “no” was “no” and she didn’t ask for it.
She was smart and survived and one day he will pay somehow, no harm ever goes without punishment.
She is to be BELIEVED!
He is fully at fault.
He made it happen.
She never liked it and never wanted it.
HE IS TO BLAME.

One day he will pay – somehow!

And she won’t have to do anything
except wait and see;
that is just how the universe works
and she sleeps well at night
just knowing that fact.

When I hear they don’t like their mom,

it kind of makes me cringe,

because there will always be that day

when they will wish they spent more time with her.

 

They will wish to hear her laugh,

see her smile,

feel her warm hug,

And they won’t even care about

that red lipstick she always placed on their cheek

that they would quickly wipe away.

 

They will wish to hear another one of her stories,

learn more about family history,

hear how she coped through some trying times.

 

There will come that day,

when they wish they never even thought

of not liking their mom.

 

When I hear they don’t like their mom,

I want to scream –

Don’t believe your lie!

You really do love her!

Give her a call.

Be patient with her.

Be tolerant of her.

Tell her all the nice things you know a mother would love to hear.

And remember,

no matter how much you don’t like her,

she will always love you,

even if you don’t think she does,

and that is lots to be grateful for!

 

When I hear they don’t like their mom,

it kind of makes me cringe,

because there will always be that day

when they will wish they spent more time with her.

You can criticize all you want.

State all that is wrong with me;

perhaps that is the only way you can feel superior.

So go ahead and keep criticizing

all you think is wrong with me.

 

I will just accept that you are critical

and I will not allow your criticism of me

to take away who I am.

I will continue to know

That the one who needs to change,

Has never really been me,

But critical you!

– By, Connie Webb

Mom left my alcoholic dad for good.
She loaded up four kids, a dog and two cats
into her station wagon.
We drove from New York to Florida
– a three day trip,
never to return to him, even with a fifth baby born.

This was in the sixties –
a courageous act that mostly was looked down upon.
How dare a woman leave her man like that!
With divorce,
Mom had to sit out taking communion at church –
a weekly shame on her.

She had to endure long waits in welfare offices,
with all us kids getting antsy from the wait.
She didn’t have money for babysitters, most of the time.
Again she felt hurt and shame from her dire straits,
but even through many nights of crying,
her courage helped her continue on.

I left my alcoholic husband for good.
Left with my two kids.
Drove up the California coast with a brother and his family
– a thirteen hour trip,
never to return to him.
Spent years as a single mom –
welfare, food bank lines,
my shame of poverty!
But whenever I felt it was just too hard to go on,
I remembered my mom’s courage
and that gave me the strength to continue on.

Years later, the kids are grown,
and I look back at all that was accomplished.
I treasure the love the kids and I share and it all started with me witnessing courage,
from a mom who got things done,
even when it seemed most difficult.
Mom, thanks for the courage!

Artwork and Poem by, Connie Webb

Discouraged, Then Encouraged

Hadn’t been to church in years,
Decided to give it a try.

It wasn’t a Sunday,
But I went in and knelt down to say a prayer.

My life was difficult and discouraging.
I was young and poor and didn’t see much light ahead.

No one was in the church,
But then a lady came by and knelt down beside me.

She asked me if I would like to visit for lunch at her place.
I said “sure” and felt a brightness and warmth.

We talked for a long time, her and I.
She told me she was going to Italy soon.
I told her my Grandpa was from there.
She asked for my address and said she would mail me a postcard.

I didn’t see this lady again,
But at just the moment I needed some more encouragement,
A postcard from Italy arrived.
I treasure that inspiring visit with her
And remember her encouragement to just stay strong during tough times.

Whenever I need a lift, I remember her light.

- Artwork and Writing By, Connie Webb