Before and after the wildflowers bloom

by 

Connie Webb

Before the wildflowers bloom, 

there are cold nights and cold mornings – 

lots of rain, lots of wind. 

*****

Before the wildflowers bloom, 

the days are darker and dreary – 

don’t see very much sunshine. 

*****

Before the wildflowers bloom,

my depression is much greater – 

spending lots of time indoors.

*****

But when the wildflowers bloom,

the sun shines brightly more often – 

days of rain are fading fast.

*****

When the wildflowers bloom,

my depression starts to vanish –

as the scenery brightens.

*****

When the wildflowers bloom,

I say hello to longer days –

filled with warmth and birds singing.

*****

When the wildflowers bloom,

I can’t ignore the floral scents –

Spring awakens joy in me. 

*****

I wish for you to spend time,

With those vivid wildflowers –

To improve your inner peace.

TAKEN AWAY 

by

Connie Webb

I am seven years old.

I am in a new room in Miami Beach, Florida.

Mom left my dad in Buffalo, NY.

She didn’t tell him that we left or where we were.

She put me and my 3 brothers in a car and drove us here.

I am wondering when my dad will come and find us,

even though mom told me he doesn’t care about us.

I remember my old house,

my dad coming home from work,

his shiny black shoes,

his suit and tie,

the smell of his cologne,

his big smile,

the way he made me giggle –

I miss him.

I miss having a family meal with him,

I miss how strong he was and how he joked around,

I miss the times we all had fun together.

I miss his strong arms as he picked me up

and put me on his shoulders.

He swore he wouldn’t drop me

so I wouldn’t be scared.

I wasn’t scared.

I don’t miss my mom yelling at dad all the time.

It seemed she screamed the loudest.

I was certain it was her fault for all the fights,

though she claims differently.

I am in my room alone,

only 7 years old,

I heard the voices of my new school friends today,

telling of the gifts they got from their Daddy for Christmas or Hanukkah.

There are no gifts from a Daddy for me.

Mom told me to stop crying.

She said I never have to see him again,

that he didn’t love me or my brothers or her.

One day I said,

I am not going to miss Daddy any more,

I am tired of crying.

I never got jealous of friends’ dads any more;

I never felt the pain any more.

I am age 27.

Something made me

pick up the phone and call him.

I got to talk to my Dad,

my Dad,

my Daddy,

Who I lost years ago;

and he said he loved me,

and he never knew where I was or my brothers.

We moved every year,

so he probably was telling the truth.

Nowadays they call that parental kidnapping.

The past is gone.

I never got all those final years with my dad,

but from age 27 to 28 and a half,

before he died of a heart attack at age 64,

I got to talk to my Dad.

I don’t have the card that said “Love your Dad”,

it got lost somehow,

but I will treasure the opportunity that I got

to know my dad by calls and letters,

and that I still can remember his voice,

his laugh,

his love,

and his kindness.

I was taken away from my dad,

but I am so grateful I found him again

before it was too late.

WE NEED YOUR LOVING SPIRIT

by

Connie Webb

Everyone we’re in this together,

No one ought to be left out.

Capable people lend a hand,

Over-loving is needed without a doubt.

Under the stress of Covid-19,

Really work to be loving and kind;

And grace will fill our world,

Giving us a chance for a peaceful mind.

In time this virus will go away,

Nothing will stop our encouraging voices;

Give your attention to your dear ones,

We all need to make these positive choices,

Of bringing love to wherever we are,

Real gentle and kind spirits,

Do this near and far . . .

So we all can live in serenity together.

Just Look at that Blue in the Sky!

By

Connie Webb

Awaken in this peaceful home,

With a purring cat by my side;

The friendly neighborhood is so quiet,

Except for a wind chime ringing with pride.

*******

This cold December morning,

Under an almost full moon;

The birds have not awakened yet,

But their sweet songs will happen soon.

*******

The warming sun has almost risen,

A few clouds are passing slowly by;

Today will be a lovely day,

Just look at that blue in the sky!

The Contemplation of When To Break Up With Him

By

Connie Webb

Wanted to break up with him at Thanksgiving, 

but there was cooking and baking to do.

*******

Wanted to break up with him at Christmas,

but the Christmas tree lights were shining brightly

and Christmas music was playing everywhere;

And who would take those night walks with me 

admiring the neighborhood Christmas lights all around town?

*******

Wanted to break up with him at New Years, 

but who would I toast and kiss at midnight with Auld Lang Syne playing?

*******

Wanted to break up with him on a Monday, 

but Tuesday was his birthday 

and his gifts were all wrapped 

and the cake was looking delicious.

*******

On Wednesday, not a holiday, 

I finally got the courage to break up with that man,

who I had fallen out of love with 

long ago,

And I never went back to him, 

no matter what special occasion came next. 

The Scent of Baby Powder by Connie Webb

The scent of baby powder brings back beautiful memories of both my well-loved babies.

Fresh and happy from their baby bathtub with their hooded baby towels and smiles;

Then a nice fresh diaper ready for them, after I dry them off, and sprinkle on some baby powder,

Put on their little baby nightgowns, feed them in the rocking chair, burp them and then rock them to sleep.

I quietly and gently put them in their cribs being so careful not to wake their peaceful slumber.

The scent of baby powder still brings back those treasured, tender moments with my adorable babies.

They missed our song, they missed our song,

on our wedding day;

could that be why, could that be why,

our marriage didn’t stay?

*****

We picked that song, we picked that song,

feeling our love would last forever,

But it did not, but it did not;

our marriage failure endeavor.

*****

What if they didn’t miss our song, 

What could have happened then?

Could our marriage have lasted?

Wonder how our love would have been?

*****

Would we have had no fighting?

Would we have worked things out?

Would we have had no screaming?

Would our love have had no doubt?

*****

Would we have held each other tight, 

when life got hard and tough?

Would we have stuck it out, 

when things got so bleak and rough?

*****

Would we be aging together, 

helping each other with everything?

Would we be there for one another?

Would I still wear my wedding ring?

*****

They missed our song, that lovely song,

on our wedding day;

Could that be why, could that be why

our marriage didn’t stay?

*****

Our song

they did not 

play.

That First Summer Night With You

You and me finally meet alone

You let me pick the movie

We talk, we relate, and then

We fall for one another.

You and me single parents

We had been alone too long

Now we held each other tight

Not wanting this time to end.

You played your guitar smiling

While I looked on lovingly

We both listened intently

Sharing our pains and our hopes.

The dark night sky in the woods

Had stars shining down on us

As your strong hand guided me

Through the forest trees back home.

That first Summer night with you

The way we embraced each other

The feeling of contentment

Knowing I could love again.

That Moment

It had been happening:

In college classes,

Thinking about my two young kids

Having to go to daycare after school.

How I missed them as I studied and studied

Courses I cared nothing about,

But was required to take to get a degree;

I wanted to make something of myself

So my kids would be proud of me.

It had been happening:

At the doctors office,

When asked about my kids’ milestones

I thought the doc ought to ask the daycare mom,

As I struggled to answer,

Feeling like such a failure as a mom,

Yet there was that thing –

Wanting to be somebody for my two kids.

It finally happened on a Sunday afternoon:

Outdoors with some sidewalk chalk drawings;

A sit down break of homemade lemonade,

With my kids saying they just want to come home after school,

Like so many other kids get to do and be with their moms.

They wanted to have dinner with me, not at daycare.

I heard their voices 

Louder than societies voice “to be somebody”;

And my voice, my feelings, could no longer be drowned out by

Everyone around me encouraging me to keep going to college

So I could show everyone how successful a single mom could be.

Yet I heard my kids so loud that moment.

I told them we may lack some extra money through the years.

I wouldn’t be able to get them so many toys they would want,

By dropping out of college.

And they responded that they didn’t care;

They just wanted me to be with them after school in their home,

Not a daycare home.

And in THAT MOMENT

I knew my role was to be a success as a “loving” mom,

Who would be there for her kids and listen to their voices.

Not as a college student,

Not as a supermom with a great career.

We never wound up with much money.

There were all those welfare papers to keep filling out.

Waiting in long lines at the Food Bank.

Taking buses or walking even on stormy days with some umbrellas getting torn in the high winds,

All due to my dropping out.

But my failure at college,

Became my success as a mom,

The real career I had always wanted,

Filled with memories more valuable than any material thing.

So we decorated our year after year indoor Christmas tree with popcorn, small toys, stuffed animals in the tree along with homemade colored cut-out paper ones,

So we shopped at yard sales and thrift stores,

So I lugged groceries home in a worn out looking stroller,

But we had enough.

We played together, danced together, laughed together.

Had “sit down at the table” family meals with check-ins on how we were doing.

We worked through the troubling times together.

We got through the ups and downs of life and really valued the up times.

I am so proud of my two kids for all they went through together with me,

And the close bonds we share today as a family.

And I think I truly became somebody my kids could be proud of;

Somebody I could be proud of:

A loving mom who was and still is always there for them whenever they need me.

The kind of a somebody they and I always wanted me to be

A truly “loving” mom, the kind of mom, 

that I never got to have.

To The “Non-Mask Wearers” During Covid-19 Pandemic

We are trying to survive a Covid-19 pandemic by wearing facial masks “properly”, physical distancing, washing our hands and sheltering-in-place. Why do people have to die because you won’t wear a mask?

Your kind of inconsiderate persona, going all around town(s) breathing in the Covid-19, and don’t show sickness, yet you can be carrying it – spreading it to so many people and making them sick or making them die. Do you not have a conscience? (I am not talking about the folks who truly cannot wear masks due to “real”  Dr. approved medical issues.) 

What makes you not care? Was someone mean to you and do you hate people? Do you hate your own life and have a death wish? Do you have a death wish for others? Or are you so narcissistic that you need everyone to see your “beautiful” face? Or could it be that you feel so superior to others that you do not have to follow any rules of “regard” for others? 

Actually a “Non-Mask Wearer” is seen as a human who doesn’t care about themselves or others. They are a danger to themselves and others. Aren’t there places for folks like that and don’t they need to be arrested and put under a 5150 hold at a mental ward?

It is not okay that you don’t give a care. Your not giving a care can make others die. Put on a mask. Your rebelliousness can kill others and you are actually walking around freely like a murderer. If someone was caught trying to kill someone, they would be arrested. 

I think the “Non-Mask Wearer” person is just as dangerous and they can literally kill someone. Why don’t we arrest them? Don’t give me the “land of the free” issue either. Not going to be many free people left if we all die. Do the right thing – wear a mask!

By, Connie Webb (Written after hearing about so many horrible cases of Covid-19 going up all over the place!)