Posted by: namesconnie | October 6, 2014

A Disability Called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

You can’t just look at me

And say to yourself

She’s disabled.

My disability is invisible,

But it is always here,

Even if I try to hide it,

From you.

It has a label of

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

And it doesn’t always appear

Even to me.

But there are times late at night

When I have wondered

“Did I lock the front door?”

“What was that sound?”

And I tremble in fear

Not acting to check anything out.

Then there are times

I am just paranoid

For no good reason at all,

And I try to talk myself out of it

But it doesn’t work,

Most of the time

Until it just somehow passes.

And the next day

I wonder what that was all about

As I calmly face my day.

There are times

When I could be like the most efficient person of all

Getting many things done in just one day,

But then there are those other times

When I am lucky to just take care of my basic needs

Not going anywhere or doing much of anything.

I have been lucky enough

To have had therapy for years

And still am in therapy

As they really have no cure

For this invisible thing

Called PTSD.

And sometimes I wonder

If the haunting memories

Were to be played out to the public

If there would be more awareness

Of what it is really like to have this

Happen in your mind

Over and over again.

Maybe while doing your dishes

Or while taking a walk

Or while even looking at the ocean

And flashbacks

Of times you never want to remember

Haunting scenes of abuse and violence

Other scenes of places you could not escape

And had to suffer the pain

Times guns were pulled on you

Times knives were held to your neck

Come back vividly and in living color

Relived over and over again

Traumatizing you over and over again.

I have tried various methods to lesson the pains

I do know I have improved somewhat

But still

I have a disability

That you can not see

But I hope somehow

I have shown you

A little of it.

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Responses

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this insightful poem. It can do much to help those who suffer daily.

    • Thanks for your kind comment. Have a good today. Sincerely, Connie Webb


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