Posted by: namesconnie | October 20, 2014

In Memory of You

You motivated me with inspiring words and actions,

That made me want to do better in my life.

Just seeing you cheered me up.

I feel lucky to have known you.

Though you are gone,

You will always hold a dear place in my heart and mind.

-By, Connie Webb

In memory of one of my most treasured friends who passed away in the month of October.

Posted by: namesconnie | October 6, 2014

A Disability Called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

You can’t just look at me

And say to yourself

She’s disabled.

My disability is invisible,

But it is always here,

Even if I try to hide it,

From you.

It has a label of

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

And it doesn’t always appear

Even to me.

But there are times late at night

When I have wondered

“Did I lock the front door?”

“What was that sound?”

And I tremble in fear

Not acting to check anything out.

Then there are times

I am just paranoid

For no good reason at all,

And I try to talk myself out of it

But it doesn’t work,

Most of the time

Until it just somehow passes.

And the next day

I wonder what that was all about

As I calmly face my day.

There are times

When I could be like the most efficient person of all

Getting many things done in just one day,

But then there are those other times

When I am lucky to just take care of my basic needs

Not going anywhere or doing much of anything.

I have been lucky enough

To have had therapy for years

And still am in therapy

As they really have no cure

For this invisible thing

Called PTSD.

And sometimes I wonder

If the haunting memories

Were to be played out to the public

If there would be more awareness

Of what it is really like to have this

Happen in your mind

Over and over again.

Maybe while doing your dishes

Or while taking a walk

Or while even looking at the ocean

And flashbacks

Of times you never want to remember

Haunting scenes of abuse and violence

Other scenes of places you could not escape

And had to suffer the pain

Times guns were pulled on you

Times knives were held to your neck

Come back vividly and in living color

Relived over and over again

Traumatizing you over and over again.

I have tried various methods to lesson the pains

I do know I have improved somewhat

But still

I have a disability

That you can not see

But I hope somehow

I have shown you

A little of it.

Posted by: namesconnie | October 6, 2014

Some Family is Family and Some Family is Not

When family is not family at all,

None of them listen to you or care about you.

They say they love you, but show you that they don’t.

They are happy to see you fall.

They don’t care when you succeed.

They don’t care about any hurts or sufferings you have.

They create more hurt in your life.

They ignore you.

When family is not family at all,

It is time to let them go.

When family is family,

They listen to you and care about you.

They say they love you and show you that they do.

They comfort you when you fall.

They are happy for your successes.

They care about any of your hurts or sufferings.

They create more joy in your life.

They pay attention to you.

When family is family,

It is time to hold them close.

Poem and Flower Photo By, Connie Webb Our loving families can be biological or even friends can be family if they are the loving kind. Grateful for my two loving adult kids who are my loving family! Grateful for other family members that are loving and for loving friends I have. The photo below are of flowers given to me by a loving friend, too. Take care all.

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Posted by: namesconnie | October 5, 2014

Taking Charge of My Emotions Regardless of What You Did

I saw this quote by Adam Levine that said, “Does making me feel bad really fill the void in your soul?” After seeing that quote, I wrote it down and have been looking at it ever since. I have come to some conclusions in my life.

There have been people in my life that have made me feel really bad in the past. I think it must somehow serve these people in some sick way that made them feel better about themselves every time they knew for sure they made another person feel bad. Well, this is what I say, “Forget that! I will not feel bad because of you. I will not give you that kind of power over me. So if one day you are thinking that I am feeling bad, guess again! I am not feeling bad. I am continuing to enjoy and live this one life I have and enjoying each new day. There are so many good things and good people in the world. I do not have to allow my world to shrink to just focus on someone who attempted to make me feel bad. It doesn’t work for me to allow this anymore. Why? Because I have changed. I am no longer “allowing” myself to be tormented by what you did, even though you may “think” I am. You just don’t have that power over me any longer. No tears flow because of you. No more anger because of you. No more hurt because of you.

I have taken charge of me and my emotions and will not let them be ruled by anyone. If I am going to choose to have a good day, then I am. Who says I have to be sad and angry for years just because you did not treat me right? Who says my whole world has to crash because of your mean stuff and cruel stuff you did? Well, guess what? It doesn’t and it won’t. You are no longer up high on a pedestal to be feared and me way below. That is just not how it is. I am my own person with my own life to live and live it I will – in peace!

I commit to taking good care of myself with each new day and you know what? That makes me feel good about me and I am grateful I can focus on this spectacular world that I get to live in regardless of what you did.”

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Writing and Photo By, Connie Webb – October 2014

Photo taken at Mendocino Botanical Gardens in Fort Bragg, CA

Posted by: namesconnie | September 6, 2014

That You

IMG_3953

That You

Who you are,

Deep down inside,

That you,

That magnificent you, that you hide from everyone,

That you

Is all okay.

 

Yet you hide,

That you,

That you that we would all really love to know,

But insecurity hides

That you.

 

And your mask is on

As you go about life

Trying your hardest to hide

That you.

 

Wouldn’t it be easier

If you just let

That you

Out?

That you

That you know

Is all okay?

 

We need

That magnificent you.

 

Photo and Poem by Connie Webb 9/6/14

Posted by: namesconnie | September 6, 2014

The Hiding Place In My Mind

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The reason I don’t always pick up a pen or paper;

Or listen to the thoughts in my head,

Is because I feel if those thoughts

Were to creep out onto paper

The hurt that would appear

Would be too tough for me to see.

So I stuff the thoughts

Way back in my mind

And as I slowly continue my life,

I brush away a tear now and again,

As I brush more thoughts

Under the hiding place

In my mind.

Photo and Poem By, Connie Webb 9/5/14

Posted by: namesconnie | September 6, 2014

The Most You Give Me Is Pain

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I am excluded, ignored and silenced

By you.

The most you give me is pain.

You do nothing but bring out the hurt feelings in me.

You help me to feel out of place when I am near you;

Like I don’t belong and never will belong.

Treated horribly by you -

I willingly let you go,

Because when I see you

It is just enough to start the hurt

All over again.

I don’t understand why you want to hurt me.

I hate it so much!

It is the most hurt I ever had in a long time.

The worst is knowing you really don’t like or love me at all, yet you keep pretending to.

The most you give me is pain.

It is time to stop all contact.

The pain has to go and it starts with me

Being willing to stand up for me,

By being willing to say

Good-bye

To you

Forever.

Photo and Poem by, Connie Webb 9/5/2014

Posted by: namesconnie | June 20, 2014

Where The Kind People Go

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I will never doubt

That there is a place

Where the kind people go

When they depart.

It is a place

Filled with joy

Filled with smiles

Filled with exciting things to do.

I will never doubt

That the kind people

Are there holding and supporting one another

And all enjoying peace

All enjoying love.

I will never doubt

That there is a place

Where the kind people go.

 

- Photo and Poem by Connie Webb 6/19/14

 

Posted by: namesconnie | June 1, 2014

Gratitude Thoughts

My two grown kids and I,

Just enjoying time together,

On a Saturday afternoon,

With laughs and smiles,

And me being very grateful -

For my family.

Posted by: namesconnie | June 1, 2014

You Always Cared

Sometimes I felt down and out,

never feeling very free;

Now I know without a doubt,

you were always there for me.

 

Times I think I can’t go on,

can’t make it another day;

But your love is never gone,

you are showing me the way.

 

When I think you are nowhere,

and I don’t know what to do;

I remember your great love,

knowing I will soon find you.

- Connie Webb 5/31/14

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